Monday, November 4, 2013

The Bachelor - A Psychological Study

True Confessions: The Bachelor is one of my all time favorite shows. You can unfriend, delete me, or act like I am dead now, it would be justified. Even Truer Confession: I have been watching The Bachelor since the beginning of the series when I was in high school. Granted, I skipped a few seasons, the first Bachelorette, the old dude, and part of Ben and Jake's seasons, but I have seen a lot of the show. I used to watch the show and think, "Wow! They are so in love. I want that one day." Now I am less naive or more cynical and just think they are in love with fame and Dancing With the Stars contracts.

So why continue to watch the show? Because these people are often very messed up. I love watching the show and diagnosing people based on the footage the editors and producers let viewers see. It is such a fun psychological study. Just in case you were wondering I think Sean is addicted to adventure (sensation seeker for my psych students) and codependent. He loves keeping the girls who need emotional help and rescuing. He kept girls on way to long because it appeared he wanted to save them from the emotional trauma they endured at some point in their life.

That is until this week when he said goodbye to AshLee. I am sure she is a sweet girl and I do not want to seem like I do not value that she has had trauma in her life. However, I think that she needs a counselor, not a fiance or husband. I saw this in her right away and honestly hoped that Sean would send her home sooner. She was so needy and still emotional about her childhood that it was clear that she needed to do some work on herself before she would make a good partner for a man when she dealt with some stuff.

As she was talking this week I felt bad for her. She made comments about being whole or complete because of Sean and I could not help but wince. I thought of my favorite pastor, Dr. Scott Daniels at Paz Naz, and remembered the times I have heard him say that relationships do not work if two people are seeking to complete one another. Instead, they need to be two whole, complete people on their own and enter the relationship complete in themselves and in Christ.

Personally, I love this idea of two complete people entering into a commitment with one another and with Christ. It is saying I am good with who I am and who God has made me and I want to share that with you completely. You do not have to fix me, take care of me, or complete me. Let's share life together and follow God together.

As I look back on my life I can say that I probably was not in that place for a good part of my early and mid 20s. Now I feel so much more comfortable with who I am and feel complete in Christ. I am not married so I am not writing this from a place of personal expertise, except that I am an observer and counselor. The relationships that I see working and healthy are the ones where both partners know who they are and love and support the other person for who they are. I really hope that one day I do fall in love in a relationship like this, but I know if I do not my life is valuable and meaningful the way it is too.

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